Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
