it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
