Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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