Already got asked if we're dating
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
