Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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