The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
