A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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