There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
