The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
