Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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