Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
