I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
