All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
