Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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