Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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