I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
