we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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