i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
