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wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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