Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
