i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
