Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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