How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he thought i was a dude.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
