I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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