Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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