i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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