Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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