Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
