And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
