you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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