you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
