oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
