I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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