Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
