my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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