i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
