You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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