tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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