was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
