Your mouth is God's brothel.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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