I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
