She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
