i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
