I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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