it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
