3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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