Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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