moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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