Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
