just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
