he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
