I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
