I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
