By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
