i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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