just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
