I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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