if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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