i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
