My sheets look like a crime scene.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
