I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
