she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
