and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I could make wine with my vomit
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I stole a fireplace last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
