We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
