I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
