Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
