He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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When are your genitals available?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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