Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
