I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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