Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
