His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
