He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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