Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's always time for handjobs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
